Facebook groups warning women about online daters could be a risky business cbc news


Facebook groups warning women about online daters could be a risky business
A Patreon account that claims to belong to the same person says they operate "red flag awareness groups" that provide a venue for women to "empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous and/or toxic men."
Facebook groups warning women about online daters could be a risky business
Women say private Facebook groups where they can share details about abusive and toxic men they have dated help protect themselves and others, but lawyers caution the posts might expose them to legal risk.
Women share details about abusive, toxic men in private groups but lawyers urge caution
Laura Glowacki · CBC News · Posted: Jun 13, 2023 4:00 AM EDT | Last Updated: June 13
Private Facebook groups called 'Are we dating the same guy?' have popped up across Canada to provide a platform for women to learn about men they meet while online dating. (CBC News Graphics)
Social Sharing
Women say private Facebook groups where they can share details about abusive and toxic men they have dated help protect themselves and others, but lawyers caution the posts might expose them to legal risk.
Local Facebook groups called "Are we dating the same guy?" are popping up in communities across North America for women to post about men, and vice versa.
Some, including in Toronto and Mississauga, have tens of thousands of members. A group in the Ottawa area has more than 15,000 members.
Earlier this year Alicia Mercer, 37, started a group in the small Ottawa Valley town of Petawawa, which is also home to a Canadian military base.
Mercer said she was in a previous relationship that was abusive and full of "cheating and lies," and believes the page can help others avoid similar heartbreak.
"If somebody could have warned me about that, or had given me any kind of insight into what I was to expect, my life would be completely different," she said.
Alicia Mercer started the private Facebook group in Petawawa earlier this year to help women who are online dating protect themselves from abusive or toxic men. (Alicia Mercer)
Many of the groups in North America appear to have the same administrator.
A Patreon account that claims to belong to the same person says they operate "red flag awareness groups" that provide a venue for women to "empower each other and keep each other safe from dangerous and/or toxic men."
The posts typically include a man's photo, taken from an online dating profile. Some posts include the name, while others also include their age and the area they live in.
The posts are also often short, featuring messages like "Please run from this man" or "Very dangerous man" followed by multiple red flag emojis. Other times women post a photo asking others if they've ever dated the man asking for the "tea" or gossip about them.
Comments and posts include stories about stalking, alcohol and drug abuse, sexual assault and harassment, lying and infidelity.
"Seems to have an issue with drinking as well. My friends told me about him having to be carried out of the unit Christmas party," said a user of an Ontario group.
"Ladies beware of this one. Not only extremely narcissistic, but has terrible anger issues and is mentally and physically abusive," said an anonymous post.
"This is my ex. Please run if you ever encounter. He lies about absolutely everything. Severe alcoholic and cocaine addict," said another user.
CBC spoke with a member from an Ottawa-area group who we are calling Marie.
Marie, in her mid 20s, recently shared a photo of her ex to the private Facebook group and alleged he shared nude photos of her without her consent or knowledge. CBC has agreed not to use her real name for safety reasons.
It's a way to protect ourselves. We need to have access to information. - "Marie," user of Ottawa-area group 

"Women there [in the group] knew that it was not OK, what I've been through," she said.
Marie's post about her ex prompted a flood of sympathy from other women.
"That really helped," she said. "When you have that community to help you go through this it really helps to not feel alone."
Marie said the group helps create a support network but also arms single women with insider knowledge on the men they meet online.
"It's a way to protect ourselves. We need to have access to information," she said.
Potential for defamation lawsuits
Two lawyers told CBC many of the types of posts that appear on the "Are we dating the same guy?" pages could open up posters and even group administrators, to potential legal action.
"There is something problematic with posting stuff that would tend to harm somebody's reputation," said David Fraser, a privacy and technology lawyer in Halifax.
"There is a real risk that they could be doing something that is defamatory."
Charles Daoust, an Ottawa lawyer who specializes in defamation cases, said he receives calls daily from complainants looking for legal advice about defamatory statements made about them online.
"The internet is very good in the sense of connecting people, but very dangerous in the sense of repercussions on people's lives," he said.
"I've had clients [who] overnight had their lives completely destroyed."
WATCH | The defamation risks involved: