Love bytes the expert guide to online dating and how to find your perfect match



Love bytes: The expert guide to online dating and how to find your perfect match

“Instead of asking, ‘How’s your week going? try saying, ‘What made you smile today?’,” says Ms Quinn. “Or ‘what’s the best thing that happened to you this week?‘ It’s still the same question, but it’s more specific and positive.”

Love bytes: The expert guide to online dating and how to find your perfect match

Research by dating app Badoo (badoo.com) found that 69% of single people are turned off by badly-written messages.

Fri, 10 Feb, 2023 - 02:00 Ann-Marie O'Sullivan

Hundreds of millions of people are looking for love through online dating apps. With so many profiles and seemingly a different app for every day of the year, where do you even start and how do you stand out?

We ask dating experts and a regular dating-app user for their advice.

Find the right app: Dating coach Frances Kelleher (franceskellehercoaching.com) encourages people to experiment with different apps, but to pay for two at a time and opt for the minimum subscription. This way, you can use them fully, decide if they suit you, and not break the bank, she says.

Keep your bio short: “Half as long, twice as strong,” advises dating coach Hayley Quinn (hayleyquinn.com).

“Two paragraphs is enough,” says Ms Kelleher. “The magic formula is 70:30. Talk 70% about yourself and 30% about what you want.”

Get specific: How do you make your bio shine? “Instead of saying, ‘I like to travel’, say, ‘My last holiday was in Thailand. I was in Ko Samui, I can’t wait to get back on the beach.’ Immediately it helps distinguish you,” says Ms Quinn.

Stand out from the crowd: According to a 2022 study published in PLOS One, dating-app users with original profiles — for example, ‘Looking for a Don Juan who can make me weak at the knees’ — were seen as more intelligent, humorous, and attractive. They were also more likely to get a date.

Check it twice: Research by dating app Badoo (badoo.com) found that 69% of single people are turned off by badly-written messages. It’s common in online dating, with 49% of daters having received a message with bad spelling or grammar.

Honesty is the best policy: For Cork-based dating app user Siobhan Quinlan, honesty is key. This applies to how you describe yourself, but also to what you are looking for. “Don’t say you are ‘looking for something casual’ when you want something serious or the other way round,” Ms Quinlan says. “You won’t meet someone who is a true match if you’re not being totally honest.”

Nail the photos: Ms Kelleher suggests adding five to six recent photos, along with a full-length one, taken in natural light, and avoiding group shots.

Ask a friend to take your photo from across the table in an outdoor cafe or park, says Ms Quinn. But whether you opt for a picture of you climbing a mountain or a smiling shot in your favourite t-shirt, every photo should reflect you.

Maximise your time: “Reach out to three people per night,” says Ms Kelleher. “Research has shown that it’s best to stay on an app for 20 minutes at a stretch.”

Regardless of how much time you spend on the app, make sure you give it your full attention, says Ms Quinn. “It’s always more productive when you aren’t doing anything else.”

Opening lines: You see someone you like and want to message them, so what do you say? The expert’s advice is to get personal. Use the person’s name, take time to read their profile, and respond to it.

“Instead of asking, ‘How’s your week going? try saying, ‘What made you smile today?’,” says Ms Quinn. “Or ‘what’s the best thing that happened to you this week?‘ It’s still the same question, but it’s more specific and positive.”

Get off the app: The aim of online dating is to move offline and meet in real life. Ms Quinlan tries to meet the person she has connected with in real life within one week. Ms Kelleher agrees it’s important not to linger online for too long.

It helps to keep some mystery, says Ms Kelleher. “If people are sending 10,000 texts back a day, there’s nothing to say on the first date. There isn’t even a need for a first date. Your time and energy are your most precious commodities. Don’t let anyone waste them."

Call first: Before you start googling convenient coffee shops, think about making a call first. “I do video calls beforehand, so we both know what we’re getting into,” says Ms Quinlan.

Ms Quinn says: “It’s probably better to have an awkward 10-minute conversation rather than invest time in going to see someone when you’re not sure you’re compatible. Also, if you’re looking for a more serious relationship, I think it’s reasonable to expect that someone would want to have some conversation with you before going on a date."

Stay safe: Ms Quinlan has ground rules to protect herself when meeting a date for the first time. “It’s always somewhere public,” she says. “I always get myself to and from the place. I pay my own way and I don’t tell them where I live or work.”

Ms Quinn says we need to keep things in perspective. “It’s about having that awareness of red flags, but, equally, not going into online dating with a sense of danger. Most people online dating are there for the genuine purpose of meeting people.”