How to meet someone in real life without dating apps british gq


Dating experts on how to actually meet people in real life
A controversial one perhaps, because why wouldn’t you just swap social media handles? Probably because, if you do that, you’ll only end up liking each other’s stories forever until the end of time. Or just acknowledging each other from a distance in a parasocial way, until you forget why you followed each other in the first place and then one day find yourself commenting heart eyes on a photo of them and their new partner in 2025.
Dating experts on how to actually meet people in real life
Sometimes I wonder what it was like for people dating in The Before. You’d have to meet someone – in a club, or on the street or whatever – and then give them your number on a piece of paper (provided someone had a pen), and then you’d have to wait for them to ring your house phone, or vice versa. Without the ease of dating apps, or just sliding into someone’s DMs, dating was a purely face-to-face endeavour from start to finish, with a few phone calls or emails in between. It's a lot to even think about.
That said, plenty of people have developed dating app fatigue in recent years, and prefer to go analogue. Which makes sense: The incessant swiping. The inability to know what a person is like from a few photos and some contrived words on a screen. The fact that chemistry is a physical phenomena – a hand brushing your leg, them leaning over to light your smoke, that sort of thing. Turns out that dating apps were never going to be the “fix all” that we once assumed they might. Re-enter: meeting people in real life once and then dating them.
The thing is, meeting people offline doesn’t come easily to everyone. Neither does flirting. Especially, I’d imagine, if you’re under 25 and don’t remember a time before Instagram reacts. With that in mind, here’s a handy guide to meeting people in real life without dating apps or DM slides.
Create intrigue and avoid the dreaded red flags
Go to the right places
There’s no point in wanting to “meet new people”, but then only going to the same three places (your house, the local Aldi supermarket and your mate’s house). You need to get out and see some fresh locations – especially the sort that foster conversation (you probably won’t meet someone at the cinema, for example, or at a dental surgery, although stranger things have happened).
Lalala Letmeexplain, dating educator and author of Block, Delete, Move On: It's not you, it's them, suggests going to actual singles events (which might sound cringe, but everything is cringe when you think about it too much). “Joining local groups is also a good way,” she says. “Though join them because you enjoy the hobby and see meeting someone as a bonus – don't join to pull. Things like group fitness boot camps… Somewhere you might find someone who shares your interests.”
Otherwise, just remain open – or as my mum says, “keep your light on”. “It's possible to have meet cutes all over the place if you're open to it,” says Lalala Letmeexplain. “Recently I've been approached in a cafe and walking down the street. Though some people might find it uncomfortable, I love the exciting randomness of it. If you are open to random meet cutes, make eye contact with people you fancy, keep your headphones off, be friendly and approachable. Say something non-creepy when appropriate. It's a good idea to simply get out and be sociable.”
Get into flirting
Some people are just naturally flirty. They’ll lean into you while laughing, or stare at your lips for long enough for you to notice. For others, flirting can be hard work (like those guys who insult people they fancy because they heard on a podcast that it worked, or those people who just completely misread the signs). Or, like many of us, maybe you exist somewhere in between.
Flirting can be really fun though, so don’t shy away from making it obvious that you’re into a person via your body language. So long as it happens naturally and you’re not trying too hard. “Being conscious about actively trying to do it will take the spark out of the flirting,” says Lalala Letmeexplain. “Just try to make eye contact and smile. Most things you say will sound a bit flirtatious if you say them with a smile.”
A chance to get all of the gamification of online dating, without the heartbreaking consequences
Use your friends (in a good way)
Before dating apps and social media, a lot of people would just meet people “through friends.” Your parents? They probably met “through friends”. Your Gen X neighbours? Again, likely “through friends”. This doesn’t mean you should try and have sex with your extended circle, but it does mean that you shouldn’t ignore that houseparty invite because you can't be bothered, or turn down that dinner party because you feel like staying in. You never know, there might be good looking people there. Which might be the only good reason to ever leave the house.
Oloni, dating expert, sex educator and author of The Big O: An Empowering Guide to Loving, Dating and F**king, says that meeting people through friends works because you can usually trust your friend’s opinion. “Meeting through friends is amazing because you have someone who can vouch for them,” says Oloni. “If you’re at a friendship gathering, that could be the best way to meet someone as you get to see them in that social setting too.”
Give people your number
A controversial one perhaps, because why wouldn’t you just swap social media handles? Probably because, if you do that, you’ll only end up liking each other’s stories forever until the end of time. Or just acknowledging each other from a distance in a parasocial way, until you forget why you followed each other in the first place and then one day find yourself commenting heart eyes on a photo of them and their new partner in 2025.
No, your actual phone number is a lot more intimate and is likely, in my experience, to lead to actual romance or a hook-up. If you feel self-conscious or overly forward handing out your number, then think about it like this: how often do you wish people would just make it known that they’re into you? Probably more than they do. So just say “Can I give you my number?” if you’ve been chatting with someone and it makes sense. Oloni says meeting someone “at a bar with a friend as your wingman,” often works wonders.
What should I not do?
It goes without saying that you shouldn't be creepy about it. Don't pursue people who are clearly not interested, and don't approach people who look busy doing something else (the amount of times a guy has asked me to take my headphones out in the street makes me want to scream). Essentially, pay attention to context and how a person is communicating with you. If they're crying in your joint therapist's waiting room, they probably don't want to be chatted up. If they're biting their lip at you in the smoking area, maybe they do.
“It's a good idea to simply get out and be sociable,” adds Lalala Letmeexplain, “or just be out in the world being friendly and warm and not consciously looking for love. It often comes along when you're not looking for it at all.”