Company and conversation but nothing else escort escorts ask metafilter


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You could try posting on Craigslist to see if you get any bites . . . But in communications with the dudes, you're going to have to make it very clear they're not getting sex out of it. 
posted by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on October 12, 2008
Company and conversation, but nothing else? 
October 12, 2008 6:52 AM Subscribe 
Everything I have ever seen/read about escorts has said that, although it's illegal to sell sex, escorts are pretty much expected to have sex with their clients.
Is that true? Are there escort companies which make it clear to clients that the escorts will seriously NOT have sex with them, and they're not just saying that? I'm not asking if escorts occasionally get clients that do not want sex; I know that happens sometimes. But is it possible to be an escort and never have sex with a client?
I ask because I am young, attractive, well-educated, and good conversation. I think I would make a good escort in the sense that I would reflect well enough on a professionally successful guy if he needed a date to a social outing. I'm willing to accept money for that, and it seems like it would be a good income (even if I get paid less for not having sex). However, I am completely unwilling to have sex with someone for money, and I want to know if it's at all feasible for me to be an escort.
I'm in the United States, by the way.
posted by anonymous to Work & Money (23 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
Anyone can find someone to talk to them. It's harder to find someone to sleep with you. 
posted by Electrius at 8:15 AM on October 12, 2008
Are there that many situations when a man would choose to pay someone to lie about being his date, with the attendant risk of exposure, instead of simply attending without a date? 
posted by Mike1024 at 8:28 AM on October 12, 2008
High School Reunion?
I think those might be situations where a good looking date would help. 
posted by abdulf at 9:12 AM on October 12, 2008
Professional Beard? 
posted by jozxyqk at 9:36 AM on October 12, 2008
When my girlfriend was ways to make some extra money, she called a few escort places and asked this question (she figured it would be fine to go out with some rich dudes and have dinner, go to the opera, whatever, as long as she got paid a decent amount of money for it). Every single one first asked if she was a cop, and then hung up on her.
There might be a few situations where you can escort without engaging in sex, but it doesn't seem like there are very many or that they are very easy to find. 
posted by iknowizbirfmark at 9:47 AM on October 12, 2008
Why don't you look up the escort services in the area and talk to some of the people that run them? If you are seriously considering this kind of employment, just go in and do your research. If there are escort services that exist that do not involve sex, you're not going to be able to figure out which ones they are unless you do some actual investigation. 
posted by greta simone at 9:48 AM on October 12, 2008
Should be "was LOOKING FOR ways to make some extra money. " 
posted by iknowizbirfmark at 9:48 AM on October 12, 2008
I think a good model for this type of work is the geisha. Perhaps investigate more of that? (I don't think there is an American model for this type of work, but that's not to say you couldn't create your own.) 
posted by Houstonian at 9:52 AM on October 12, 2008
It might be useful to ask a professor of sex work or an expert such as Susie Sprinkle or Dan Savage. 
posted by By The Grace of God at 10:05 AM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]
Of course it's mostly expected and understood you would just be attending functions and activities with unattached gentleman! Providing delightful conversation, companionship and nothing more. (Hell yeah I'm being sarcastic.) Think about it, (hypothetically, of course) most men seeking these services are married, if they wanted to talk they could do that for free. Or even if it wasn't - what, rich people don't have friends they can ask to do that kind of stuff? 'Cause, um, rich people have friends. So?
Or not? I mean, that couldn't be the case. that would just be highly illegal!! Wouldn't it? (Heh heh. I wonder where we get that idea from? Because I used to think the same thing! Strange, huh? But anyway - No! You are not going to like what you find, don't do it!!) 
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 10:30 AM on October 12, 2008
At least in Korea - yes. But you need to be really good-looking (and I think well-educated, too). 
posted by aielen at 10:31 AM on October 12, 2008
I'm willing to accept money for that, and it seems like it would be a good income
Wouldn't we all love to get paid simply for being attractive and charming. But why would people pay you just because you're great if there's nothing in it for them? And even if you could find some way of bringing in jobs where all you're supposed to be doing is escorting someone to a function, how could you possibly guarantee your personal safety? It wouldn't be worth all the money in the world if something bad happened even once. 
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 10:39 AM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: If that was all there was to escorting, there would be an awful lot more escorts.
You could try posting on Craigslist to see if you get any bites . . . But in communications with the dudes, you're going to have to make it very clear they're not getting sex out of it. 
posted by Anonymous at 10:53 AM on October 12, 2008
Apparently such things exist - I tried the posted by nanojath at 10:58 AM on October 12, 2008
Ooh, me too! Me too! I'm a petite blond, pretty, D-cups. Good conversationalist, well educated! I am willing to dine at fine restaurants and enjoy the opera in a rich man's company, but I expect full compensation. Also, as I am a graduate student and this is merely my side income, I expect that the man purchase my Prada dresses for our evening out. I guarantee that I will reflect well on any man publicly. On weekend nights, I prefer to have sex with my boyfriend, however, so if we can keep it to weeknights, that would be great.
Kidding, kidding, but I really don't think this sort of fairytale exists. 
posted by namesarehard at 11:26 AM on October 12, 2008 [2 favorites]
However, I am completely unwilling to have sex with someone for money, and I want to know if it's at all feasible for me to be an escort.
No. It's all euphamism for "having sex". Of course if you call and go on an interview and talk to them or people who work there, you will be told point blank that there is no sex. But it all gets classified as something OTHER than sex or not part of the job description.
I speak to this as someone who has in the past been at very tight ends for money and found herself reading various ads (and in this decade, message boards) and have had conversations with people who run these services about this. And I know friends who have been at wits end who have found themselves calling those ads.
It's all about sex.
Geishas most certainly do have sex with their patrons.
I need to say this for you and anyone else who might be reading this: please be very, very careful if you are ever responding to an ad for an "escort". You could VERY easily find yourself in the position of being somewhere with someone with no way out or home and being expected to do something you had no intention of doing when you got there, and short of calling 911 (which has its own dangers) you're not going to get out of it without doing the thing you don't want to do. They're not just going to let you change your mind once you get there. It's scary shit. Be careful.
I am also not judging anyone in the sex industry. I just don't want to see someone end up in the sex industry unless that's what they want. 
posted by micawber at 2:36 PM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]
I've known women who have had relationships like this with older men, but it's a rather 24-7 job "lifestyle." I believe the common narrative involves a man infatuated that you repeatedly put off. I doubt there are agencies that handle this, though. The historical moment of this employment has largely passed—blame the sexual revolution.
On that note, perhaps you should try luring rich, devout Christians, as they may buy you things while respecting your chastity.
(ps: The snarky answer of, "Yes, it's called dating a gold-digger" came to mind.) 
posted by klangklangston at 2:59 PM on October 12, 2008
Most of the posters are obviously guessing based on their own ideas about sex. Folks, feel free not to answer if you don't know the answer.
Yes, such a service at least existed when one of my friends worked for it. I wish I could help you find it, but sorry, I can't. Go with nanojath's post above. 
posted by JimN2TAW at 5:41 PM on October 12, 2008
BDSM escorts/mistresses etc.
Is isn't uncommon for them not to be expected to have sex with clients, but they would probably dress up, and enact role-play scenarios of varying sexual content, and possibly beat them etc (the clients I mean).
A Dominatrix is very often *not* expected to have sex with a client, as it can often be seen as not Dom enough to do so.
I've heard of some women getting their houses cleaned by guys in french maid outfits, who get off on the who scenario.
Word-of-mouth-only, ymmv, etc. 
posted by Elysum at 6:24 PM on October 12, 2008
I used to work as an escort, in NYC. The answer, generally, is no.
There are occasionally calls from clients who are not interested in sex, at least at that time, but you will have to be prepared to put out to be hired. They'll tell you "officially" that it isn't allowed, but when they feel comfortable you aren't a cop and they are not being wiretapped, you'll be told that you need to do whatever it takes to keep the client happy. 
posted by Princess Pea at 9:24 PM on October 12, 2008 [1 favorite]
Well, I can say that here in Nevada, where prostitution is legal (in some counties) that yes, escort services exist where sex with clients is NOT inevitable and in many cases is frowned upon. What happens the next day, after the "service" has been rendered, is another story. It's a business, just like anything else. If you act unprofessional, it reflects on the company.
Real escort services are kind of like professional dates - only with no drama. They act as a kind of bodyguard for wealthy folks who want to dodge golddiggers and still satisfy the public perception that you need a companion or else you're too weird to do business with. Not cheap, but reliable and very very good at walking that line between seemingly vacuous arm candy and a wall of charm between the client and whomever they dont want to be interrupted by.
Not personal experience, just a good friend who has to deal with this. He swears by them and has some great stories, none of them prurient. 
posted by elendil71 at 9:19 AM on October 13, 2008
Seconding Elysum - almost all professional dominatrices are very up-front that there is no sex allowed during their sessions. You could get employ in a dungeon and not be expected to have sex with clients. However, as Elysum noted, it would entail other duties that you may not enjoy, and the men would certainly see it as a sexual thrill even though no nudity/genital touching/intercourse was allowed.
If you're attractive and can pull off a consistently powerful and dominant attitude, I'd bet you could make a decent bit of money going on "dates" with submissive guys. They'd all want to have sex with you, but you'd be in the perfect position to refuse it. However, you have to know how to string them along in order to keep their interest and $$$, while being clear that's what you're doing so they don't become angry when sex is refused. It's a delicate and dangerous balance. 
posted by desjardins at 5:44 PM on October 13, 2008
young, attractive, well-educated, and good conversation are traits that would serve you well in many other, safer occupations, methinks. 
posted by altcountryman at 6:40 PM on October 13, 2008